Monday, June 30, 2008


     There are some days like today where I wish I had a different life, to not be where I am currently standing-anywhere but here. I feel half full, unfulfilled like many empty promises that I made to myself are strewn around my mind like my messy apt. I have the urge to run away, flee and get in the car and drive east stopping when I see something that catches my eye. This is what happens when I am not in school, my mind is messy and unfocused. I look around at others life's and start to compare mine to theirs. 

     But it's just appearances and I have to remind myself that it most likely isn't what it appears to be, "Maybe they aren't so happy behind closed doors," I repeat to myself. At the beginning of this year I vowed to get back to myself, to take more pictures, and to get my ass in shape both physically and mentally. And now that June is closing, I'm past my half way mark and I'm freaking out. It's July and I haven't really gotten anything off my list that I wanted to. Treading water and going no where fast is the name of my game. 

     So what do I do, where do I go from here? I feel like I need a change, a routine. Not to be sleeping at boy's house every night- where is the chase in that? Not to neglect my laundry for two weeks and freak out when I have nothing to wear. Not to eat out every meal and skip breakfast. To try to not get mad at boy when he asks 45 questions in a row- don't judge just cause he is curious. So here is my resolve to get back on the wagon and start living the life I want.