Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Lighter than Air

He smelled like Sandalwood and the weight of his body on top of mine lifted the weight off my shoulders that had been there for thirteen months- my G-d it felt so good. A part of me didn't want it to happen, to break the cycle and move into the octagon, but lust won out over logical reasoning and just like that I'm back into my old ways. He leaves on Monday, only four short days away, then "real life" resumes with deadlines, papers to write, and essays to research-real life sucks sometimes. No more spending the morning in bed talking about art or all his travels around the world. There will be no more bottles of wine to share at three in the afternoon after spending all day looking for jeans for him or having him tell me my drink at Starfizzle is the most pretentious thing he have ever heard me say. Having him in my bed makes me smile, I'm in the full throws of an addiction and I just can't keep my hands or my body to myself.

How did this happen? Why do I feel like this? What am I going to do when he leaves? Who is going to go to breakfast with me? For the last year I have been on my own, working on myself, and trying to expell the anger from my body. For the first time something has released and I feel lighter than air, like a balloon that escapes from a childs wrist with no destination to go but up. This feeling is amazing, thank you Adam for giving that to me in three short days changing something in me that I have been trying to do in myself for over a year.