Sunday, September 14, 2008

Manic Nomad

Every week I get the Pottery Barn e-mail showing me what my life could be if I only settled down and made a home. My current state is nomadic, it sounds better than homeless, and it's on my own doing. For years I have had somewhere to put my stuff, living out of two rooms (bedroom and bathroom) spending rent month after month for something I didn't enjoy. It was lonely, I'll admit it and after the ex left me in an empty space for the duration of the lease I vowed next time it would be different. I hated every minute of it, living alone and being miserable in a place that I wanted to share.

When I was 18 I bought a house, I never really lived there though. I know it's strange. When it was being built I had grand plans for sectional sofas, framed art, and coffee tables-it never materialized into something. I had my stuff there and my roommates gladly threw parties where I would stumble upon the aftermath and Liz sleeping in my bed. I slept and stayed with another ex at his house in his space and gleefully submitted to his domicile. Playing house in other's houses was a fetish of mine. But time pressed on and I walked away from that boy and another boy entered my life that ended up breaking my heart (whine whine whine I know). Then I moved out and my Aunt moved in and that was the last time I lived or will live in that house.

To make a long story short, I recently put my entire life in storage everything but clothes, shoes, make up, and essential books packed up. And my goodness I feel so free. So now I have nothing but clothes and travel planes on my agenda, doing what I want to do. So as I sleep bouncing from friend's to parents to bosses spare bed rooms, living out of my car, and doing my make up at my desk on my Mac isight I feel this is where I need to be.

So as I am 31 days away leaving for New York, I realize I don't really need anything. No dish sets, couches, end tables, lamps, pots, pans, or bedroom sets. I need to travel, to look at art, meet new people, sleep on random couches, and get lost. By getting rid of everything I am finding myself-and it feels amazing.

Next stop NYC, Mexico for New Year's, Chicago in May, and Europe in the summer. And as Frank is stuck in my head, my new mantra is, "The best is yet to come and wont it be fine..." Oh yes Frank the best is yet to come and it will be fine. Oh so fine.